Michael Jackson’s Hidden History!

Like many kids in the 80’s I thought Michael Jackson was cool. His amazing dance powers could subdue evil alien robots and Zombies alike, he was something of a real life super hero. In the 90’s when things started going weird for the pop rocker it was really a blow to fans of his music, suddenly the infallible dance warrior was accused of child molestation and acting less like a hero to millions and more like a frikkin’ weirdo. Jacko fans either abandoned their hero, or turned to a cult-like band of uber-fans willing to accept Michael not matter how many nasty bizarre things he did.

The Samurai belonged to the first group, as soon as Jacko went wacko I burned my rhinestone glove, and left that music behind me forever. However, I’ve always longed for the days when Michael was a hero worthy of admiration, not just a twisted plastic surgery addicted drug addict. It sort of Like learning that Green lantern is hooked on Vicodin, or Batman was convicted of tax fraud. However, I made a stunning discovery recently, that will doubtlessly change the face of MJ history. Today, I will share it with you.

About a Year ago, Christian Slater and I were on one of our frequent trips to Eastern Europe to take in the post-soviet club scene. We were at a great club called “Bourstageadge” (No I’m not sure how to pronounce that) enjoying our absinthe-coladas when we saw a man on the dance floor, doing moves that none of the Baltic club goers would know. It was unmistakable, with moves like this, he was either Michael Jackson, or John Travolta. I knew for a fact Travolta was off-world fending off Ferengi invaders, so as unlikely as it was, this man was Miachael Jackson. Christian and I approached the man, who at first claimed his name was Anton Shleshkin, a local man. This was hardly convincing since he was still noticeably African American in a room of pasty-white Slavs, so he came clean with us: He was the real Michael Jackson, the one that died was an imposter. He’d ducked out of the spotlight, and has been living happily, working as a factory manager in a local corn meal packaging plant. He enjoyed the 9-5, and played on a local lacrosse team on the weekends. Apparently it took years of searching to find the one corner of the globe where he wouldn’t be regularly recognized, and in this small unnamed Slavic republic he could live his long awaited dream of a normal, simple life.

This brings up further questions, who was the man who became Michael

Jackson Famaily Photo

Cooter Lee Jackson with he fellow mountain folk

Jackson? Was it a clone, a Robot, or someone from an alternate universe? Nothing so interesting as that. As we ordered another round of drinks, he told me the sorted truth, there was a lost Jackson brother, one that has been hidden by the mass media his entire life. Cooter Lee Jackson, the lost Jackson. Other was in fact Michael’s half-brother, born with a month of him in the hills of West Virginia. He was the son of Jackson’s father and a white mountain woman whom he loved for a brief time. While Micheal’s father payed enough child support to keep Cooter and his mother well fed, he disowned the child and never visited him. Micheal had mercy on his lost half-brother and often visited him in the hills of Leron County West Virginia, teaching his brother to dance and sing just like he could. Alas, Cooter was far too unstable to ever have a normal life, after a lifetime of isolation and drinking dandelion wine had driven him quite insane, and he rarely wandered from the 150 acre soybean farm. After Michael Jackson disappeared, Cooter Lee Jackson was offered the chance to take his place in the media, Cooter used his fortune to go on a weirdness rampage, all the while the real Michael Jackson was in hiding.

Christian and I encouraged Michael to return, and real himself to the world. But Michael assured me he was happiness here than he ever was as a media starlet. He’d married a portly Slavic woman who bore him two dozen

Cooter Lee

Cooter Lee Jackson, the only white man to ever be on the cover of Ebony Magazine

children, and while he sometimes missed the fast lane, his children were now his life. For better or for worse, he was happy now, so the Samurai decided to leave him in peace, gratified in the knowledge that the real thriller is still out there, living a simple, satisfying life.